Designer handbag or building a school? You choose

Last night I had a dream that I was gifted a Louis Vuitton bag worth 10,000 USD. I vividly remember the bag: plum flap and the bottom was gold and it had a golden chain. Gorgeous bag. I thought I was buying the bag myself, but the sales rep said this bag was already chosen for me and the person has already paid for it. When I realized that the currency was not in dirhams (AED), I was stunned. I took the bag and went to the person who gifted it to me and negotiated that I would accept another bag instead, something that is a lot more reasonable. The person insisted that they are happy to spend this amount and would not budge. I then negotiated that I would refund the bag and would buy a normal priced designer bag for 1500 USD and the rest of the money would be donated to build a mosque.

Then I woke up.

Curious Case of Life in Reverse

I'm not the kind of person who tweets quotes on a regular basis. Far from it! However, I just remembered a McGill Management notebook I used to have back in uni, and it had a whole bunch of really fun stuff. One of them was a quote by George Costanza from Sienfeld. I'm at a crossroad at this moment in my life, and it's just nifty to think about 'what if life was this way'.

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus?!?! I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back, spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm! Amen.”

 - George Costanza

Ring the alarm! My son want to marry a NON ARAB!

A colleague at work just came back from a month long vacation. Everyone gathered around her and asked her how it was. We were all expecting the typical responses we always get from people who go on vacation:

1. It was SO GOOD!
2. I need a vacation from the vacation.
3. It was AMAZING! & so are the number of emails I got in my inbox! WAW!

But with this colleague, she just said "it was good" in a lackluster way. So I dug deeper and discovered she spent the vacay with her in-laws. 

That explains...a lot! Sense of formality, make sure you clean up after everyone, being on your best behavior 24/7.

Marriage is a tough thing, because apart from the "or for worse", the child bearing, and putting up with nonchalant farting, you have to impress the in laws. And if you are a non-Arab woman, GASP!!!!

A non-Arab woman marrying an Arab is an uphill battle with the in-laws and here's why:

1. How can they "research" and get references on your ass when you are completely outside their network?
2. How will they research your family credentials: education, money and/or achievements?
3. How will you bond over traditions, when you're from different cultures?
4. How will you raise the children spiritually if you're from different religions?
5. If you don't speak Arabic and all the family gatherings will be in Arabic, and then one person realizes "hey let's talk in English", and then the rest speak English for 2 minutes, then switch back, and you just sit there smiling in total confusion.
6. How will you "treat my son well" when you can't cook delicious Arabic food to the hubby?

With all these factors stacked up high against a woman, what's a girl got to do! 

PATIENCE! lots and lots, bucket loads, truck loads, 40 ft container loads. You just need to put on a happy face despite the darkest times you may be going through and smile and be polite and clean up after yourself always, and help out everyone. There are other secrets to winning over in laws, and behold the secrets. Take a deep breath, here goes:

1. EVERY time you visit the in laws, bring something with you. Extra credits if you can bake a mean cake.
2. Always wear nice clothes, extra points if you're stylish. 
3. Never wear clothes that are not modest. Take cues from how modest the family is, and be in line with that. Cleavage, mini skirts, sheer clothing, tight clothes are a no-no. Think cute, not sexy.
4. Makeup should be fresh, natural and pretty. No cakey heavy makeup, and no strong colors.
5. As soon you settle in and ask how everyone is doing, you walk straight to the kitchen and ask if you can help in any way. Insist on helping even when they say no. At least move the dishes to the table, or offer to help with the tea or drinks.
6. When you've eaten enough, and the host offers you more food, say you're so full, but the food is just so divine, you'll have one more bite. Eat it, and compliment the cooking. Often!
7. Compliment the cooking and wish you can learn to make all the amazing food.
8. After EVERY meal, pick up your dish and put it in the sink and wash it with any other dishes you may find. this is true despite the 20 girls who may beg you to stay put and relax.
9. Win the kids over. Give them extra attention, and buy some cool gifts to them. The extra attention is what will pay out the most.
10. Offer to help with kids' homework if you're good in any of the subjects they have.
11. After anyone invites you, you do the same and invite them over. Extra points if you invite them over a home-cooked meal. If no one invites you, you make the first move. If you can't cook, invite them to a nice restaurant. Ask each person what they'd like to drink, and then again what dessert they'd like to have. 
12. Keep in touch regularly. Note down the holidays, birthdays, and any important occasions, and call and wish your best. Short and sweet, but it's nice to give recognition on important occasions.
13. When you have kids, email pics of the kids regularly to the family.
14. Always ask the Arab hubby to call the family and keep in touch with them. You don't want to be accused of "stealing" the guy away from his family. Insist on visiting the family during holidays.
15. When you visit out of town in laws, buy the best gifts you can afford. Gifts so good that even if they hate you, and want to throw the gift away, they won't cause secretly they love the gifts.

Finally, give it TIME! Be the best daughter in law you can be and over time, they'll learn to love you.

It's a roller coaster to marry an Arab, but over time, it'll be a crazy fun ride!

You're married, not in couple confinement

Congratulations, I am so happy you finally found the man of your dreams and got married.
So lovely that since you got engaged, you became so enamored with this man and spend lots of quality bonding time together. It's great that you "get" each other, and enjoy lots of activities together; whether it's going out to movies, dinners, hobbies, or even just chillaxin at home. Good for you.

So I, your friend, called you about 60,000 times but couldn't get a hold of you. You aren't responding to my texts either, or just send in the "I'm busy with hubby" standard response. WTH! I used to be your booty call! When you had nothing to do and nowhere to go, and was lonely and bored, you called me and I would happily oblige to go out with you and keep you company. For me, it never mattered the last minute call, you're a friend and I love spending time with you.

But now you're married, and you got NLSS: No Longer Single Syndrome.

What exactly is NLSS?

NLSS happens to some girls at the moment of engagement. To the recipient of this terrible syndrome, their symptoms include the following thoughts:

1. Excitement at the thought of having a man in my life.
2. I have a wedding to plan!
3. I need to get close to my in laws.
4. I will wear a beautiful diamond ring.
5. I will update my status on Facebook so no one feels sorry for me anymore.
6. My profile pic on Facebook will include 2 heads or 2 hands exchanging rings; either are acceptable.
7. I will have someone to go shopping with, and/or can buy me stuff.
8. I need to laser my body hair before getting married.
9. I need to lose weight.
10. I need to hide all evidence of previous relationships.
11. I will send songs dedicated to my man.
12. I have all these amazing married couples I must start hanging out with them from now on.
13. I will sit with the married women in all major events, and not have to sit at the kids table anymore.
14. If an "adult" topic comes up, I will no longer be asked to get more tea for the people and can actually listen to the whole thing!
15. I will finally have someone I can call before falling asleep and play "no you hang up".
16. Hubby will no longer hang out with his single friends, they're just a bad influence.
17. I don't have time to hang out with my single friends, they just don't get it, they have no responsibilities like an engaged/married woman does. Their life is so frivolous and easy.

It's a tragic syndrome. With all the above symptoms, there is no room for the old trusted friends. And the new couple friends they just have to hang out with, at some point, they themselves labelled them as boring. 

It's quite sad, because at some point, the darling hubby will get suffocated with all the smothering and will want to hang out with his male friends and guess the food eaten after any one of them farts. At that moment of truth, the married girl will sit all alone at home and will call her old trusted friends begging them to go out, and laying out the excuses of all the work that a married life entails. 

If you are married, or about to get married, you shouldn't forget who your real friends are. Granted there are lots of new elements added into your life, but you need to balance your life where in a week, you have a day with your friends, a day with your family, and a day with your hubby. Don't reach that point where you lose connection with your real friends and then they "come back" to you in pity, or for old-times sake. 

Don't reach that stage with your real friends, because if they don't come back to you, what else can you do, you certainly won't be invited to the fart-smelling contests.

Vacation - Arab style

It's 45 degrees. Sun is scorching. Shades get fogged up the moment you step outside. Peeps with long hair transform into Diana Ross.
'Tis the season for traveling.

For most people, traveling is the time for adventure at the destination: a relaxation time at the beach sipping cocktails from a coconut, or a cultural tour around a historic city, or an adrenaline rushed adventure with mountain climbing, cable rides, and a leap off a plane. Arabs have an even BIGGER adventure.